Starting Location: The Quickie Mart Safe-ish Zone
The party begins inside a ruined convenience store called The Quickie Mart, though the sign outside now reads:
QUICKIE MART: TUTORIAL COMBAT AND SNACK ACQUISITION CENTER
Initial Features
- Flickering fluorescent lights.
- Broken shelves full of mundane supplies.
- A locked stockroom with scratching noises behind it.
- A glowing System kiosk near the counter.
- A restroom marked SAFE ROOM — OCCUPIED? MAYBE.
- Front windows showing a distorted city street outside.
- A dead cashier mannequin wearing a badge that says Employee of the Month: Garth.
Immediate Encounter
The stockroom contains the party’s first fight.
Suggested monsters:
- 4–8 Snack Goblins depending on party size.
- 1 Grease Imp hiding inside a deep fryer or hot dog roller.
This encounter should be easy but chaotic. Let players discover that weird environmental choices are rewarded.
Possible environmental interactions:
- Knock over shelves.
- Throw glass bottles.
- Use lighter fluid.
- Activate microwave.
- Slip enemies on spilled soda.
- Weaponize the hot dog roller.
First Kiosk Interaction
After the first combat, the kiosk activates.
DING! Tutorial Kiosk Online.
Please select from the following legally mandated onboarding topics:
- Why am I here?
- How do I leave?
- What happens if I die?
- What are loot boxes?
- Why is everything trying to kill me?
- Can I speak to a manager?
The kiosk should provide incomplete, annoying, but useful information.
Kiosk Answers
Why am I here?
“Selection criteria include proximity, narrative potential, survivability, marketable trauma, and algorithmic whim.”
How do I leave?
“Locate the Floor 2 stairwell. Complete three Tutorial Missions or acquire a Stairwell Key. Enter the stairwell before the countdown expires.”
What happens if I die?
“Death is permanent unless otherwise modified by class features, divine intervention, contractual loopholes, or premium resurrection services not currently available on this floor.”
What are loot boxes?
“Reward containers distributed for achievements, missions, combat performance, audience engagement, and catastrophic decision-making.”
Why is everything trying to kill me?
“Because it has been incentivized.”
Can I speak to a manager?
A hidden panel opens and releases a hostile Complaint Form Swarm.